Previously, the President of the Russian Federation traveled to Mercedes S600 Pullman, now moved to a limousine domestic production. Everyone was talking about him a couple of months ago, and now you can objectively figure out what he is like.

So let's figure it out! You don't see that every day.

Who created the new limousine of the President of Russia?

Armored limousine Aurus Senate for the head of state was developed as part of the Cortege project. This is an unofficial name - the "Single Modular Platform" appears in the documents.

In fact, the platform is a set of basic components from which it is supposed to create a limousine, sedan, crossover and minivan.

The brand name is a combination of Latin aurum(gold) and Russia(Russia).

The idea of ​​creating a Russian presidential limousine was voiced in 2012, and in February 2014 the project was fully launched. The development of the Cortege was carried out by the Automotive Research Institute in partnership with Porsche Engineering and Bosch Engineering. Participated in the development and Brembo, Magna, Haldex.

The production partner is Sollers- a concern whose main brand is UAZ. Special versions of Aurus will be assembled in small batches in Moscow. And mass production will be arranged at the facilities of the Ford-Sollers plant in Yelabuga.

The media reported that Russian companies would produce the bulk of the components for the limousine. Although among the 130 firms that were on the list of suppliers, there were many foreign giants.

What engine is in Putin's limousine?

Aurus Senate– hybrid: in addition to the main gasoline engine, there is also an electric motor. It is located between the engine and transmission. The electric motor took over three functions: in fact, the traction motor, starter and generator.

ICE for the presidential limousine is turbo engine V12 with a volume of 6.6 liters with a maximum power of 860 hp. and torque of 1300 Nm, designed Porsche. According to other sources, this is a 600-horsepower V8 engine with a volume of 4.4 liters.

The transmission is nine-speed and, of course, automatic. It was produced by the Moscow company KATE. A box without a torque converter, the developers assigned the clutch functions to the friction clutches of the planetary box.

Another feature is the system of controlled intellectual all-wheel drive. True, the drive scheme here is parquet: with an automatic clutch and activation of the front axle on demand. Mass versions expected rear drive. There is also cruise control.

What is interesting outside and inside in the Cortege limousine

In the interior trim of the Cortege project cars, nappa leather, alcantara, pile carpets, natural wood and metal are used. Several color options:

The overall length of the limousine is 6.62 m, the width is 2 m, the height is 1.695 m, and ground clearance equal to 200 mm. Weight - about 6 tons.

The body of the limousine resembles the latest Rolls-Royce models, in particular, the Phantom VIII, and different versions of the Ghost.

To develop the design of the car, a competition was announced. selected 25 options, showed Medvedev. He reduced the list to eight sketches, and they were sent to Putin. The sketch by Alexey Chvokin, a 2007 MAMI graduate, won.

Well, here is an option from ZIL:

This is what the crossover will look like:

However, the design of the Aurus minivan generally resembles a hearse:

High technology abandoned for the sake of security

The presidential limousine has a digital dashboard. But multimedia system Doesn't even have a touch screen and does not support Apple CarPlay or Android Auto. They were abandoned for security reasons. Indeed, suddenly hackers break into the car and interfere with its work.

However, there are still plenty of screens in the cabin. But, probably, the data is output to them either locally (from a flash drive?), Or transmitted over secure communication channels.

How much does Putin's limousine and its development cost?

Russian budget spent on the development of a presidential limousine 12.4 billion rubles. The total investment in the project is estimated at 22-24 billion. It is known that the investment fund of Tawazun from the UAE will invest about 110 million euros (8 billion rubles) in the project.

It would seem that what did not suit the Mercedes S600 Pullman for 1.4 million euros (103 million rubles)? It's all about prestige.

Indeed, British Prime Minister Theresa May Jaguar XJ, French President Emmanuel Macron Citroen DS7 Crossback and Renault Espace, with German Chancellor Angela Merkel Audi A8 Long, Emperor of Japan Akihito Toyota Century Royal, US President Donald Trump has a custom Cadillac nicknamed The Beast made in the USA, inherited from Barack Obama.

Even the Secretary General of the Communist Party of China, Xi Jinping, has a domestic FAW Hong Qi HQE for a million US dollars, however, on the chassis Land cruiser Prado and with details from the Germans and Japanese.

And in general, the tradition of switching to domestic went back from Stalin. During the Civil War, he, as head of the Revolutionary Military Council, was given an American Packard Twin Six, then he moved to the Packard Twelve 14 series - a gift from Roosevelt. But instructed to arrange the release domestic cars, which would be no worse. So appeared ZIS-101.

Khrushchev, as General Secretary, traveled in an armored ZIS-115 and open ZIS-110, and later on ZIL-111G, "inspired" by the Cadillac Fleetwood 75. But he himself liked to drive a nationalized Cadillac Fleetwood convertible from Hitler's headquarters near Vinnitsa.

By the way, in the creation new version The Beast will invest just $15 million for Trump.

How did Putin's limousine pass the crash tests?

Aurus Senat crash tests were carried out in Russia and Germany. In both series, he received the maximum five stars, said Minister of Industry and Trade Denis Manturov.

The car withstands not only bullets, but also grenade explosion under the bottom is normal practice for presidential cars. How exactly the security system is arranged, the developers did not tell.

But if the Mercedes S600 Pullman has VR9 level ballistic protection, then the Russian one should be no worse.

For understanding: Mercedes-Maybach S600 Pullman Guard 2016 years armored steel sheets did not cover the body, but were part of it and were covered with a multi-layer fabric based on aramid fibers, and polycarbonate-coated multi-layer glass had a thickness of 6 cm.

Mercedes-Maybach S600 Pullman Guard 2016

This armor can withstand machine gun fire 7.62 caliber steel-core bullets and explosions equivalent to 15 kg of TNT at a distance of up to 2 m. By the way, the Pullman door weighs 160 kg, so electric motors are used to open and close.

Before the crash tests, the cars drove about 10,000 test kilometers out of the required 100,000. They were tested on different road surfaces to make sure they were safe.

Aleksey Borovkov, head of the Computer Engineering Center, who, as part of the development team, created a car for the president, did not disclose exact data on crash tests, but noted that there were “significantly fewer real tests than required in the traditional approach.

Now, in general, in the global automotive industry, there is a decrease in the volume of full-scale tests - somewhere in 30-50 times it has decreased over 10 years. At the same time, the volume of virtual tests based on digital twins has increased by more than 100-150 times.

To get a virtual crash test of the entire car, you must first of all conduct virtual tests of each part, for each weld point, of which there are thousands - that is, at least 50 thousand virtual tests.

This is a lot - consider 50-100 virtual tests every day, especially if we want to make a car in terms of performance no worse, or even better, than similar cars from Mercedes or Rolls-Royce.

Where and when was Putin's limousine first shown?

Putin made his first public appearance in a Russian limousine at his May 7 inauguration. More precisely, in front of her: Putin drove a car with a number B776US77rus a few hundred meters along the territory of the Kremlin past Ivanovskaya Square, and after the ceremony I didn’t get into the limousine.

However, Presidential Press Secretary Dmitry Peskov mentally prepared everyone for this: they say, since Putin will arrive at the Grand Kremlin Palace from his office in the Senate Palace in the Kremlin, and not from the government building, the test drive will be short. But since earlier the first departure of the "Cortege" was promised just at the inauguration, I had to go.

However, the car was not fully prepared for the deadline. So, in February 2017, the Ministry of Industry and Trade stated that the project will be difficult to implement because of the restrictions imposed by the law on public procurement. And the sanctions did not add optimism.

In the summer of 2017, work on the crossover was suspended indefinitely. The reason is the lack of resources.

The technical implementation of the "Cortege" was to be handled by the company "Marusya Engineering", which prepared supercars. But she failed.

However, Aurus Senat was brought to the meeting with Trump in Helsinki on an IL-76 plane. There, the president traveled by car during all official events. Probably, in a couple of months, the limousine was quite well finalized.

Will it be possible to buy a limousine like Putin's?

Auto of the project "Cortege" is planned to be sent for free sale. They will also be released under the Aurus brand.

Cars will be named in honor of the Kremlin towers. The minivan will be called Arsenal, crossover - Komendant, sedan, like a limousine - Senate. Mass Aurus models can get a 600-horsepower V8 engine, an 860-horsepower V12 or a turbocharged L4 with 245 hp. With.

To order Aurus sedans and limousines will be available in August-September. Deliveries will begin in the first quarter of 2019, it is planned to produce 200 vehicles per year. After 2020, production will expand to a thousand cars a year, if there is demand. There are rumors that officials will be transplanted to them.

Minivans and crossovers will be ready only at the end of 2019. In 2018, it is planned to produce only 70 Aurus for the federal security service.

The average price of a stock Aurus car is about 10 million rubles. This is 20% cheaper than Rolls-Royce and Bentley, but more expensive than base Mercedes S-class.

What else can be in the limousine of the President of the Russian Federation

It is known that secure communication lines, a media player, a refrigerator, and a satellite communication system are installed in the Cortege. At ZIL-41052 was armored capsule. First they created it, and only then a car was built around it. Probably, a similar idea was implemented in the Cortege.

Detailed data on unusual chips in a limousine cannot be obtained for objective reasons, but you can think of them based on the declassified features of cars of top officials of other states.

Obama's (and Trump's) The Beast limousine even had a medical system: equipment and the latest medicines, as well as supplies of donated blood of the right Rh. The satellite phone has a direct link to the Pentagon and the Vice President.

In addition, The Beast includes night vision devices and its own operations center, a chemical attack defense system, oxygen plant and ventilation system. By the way, special air filters are installed on almost all presidential cars. The armor can withstand a hit from a hand grenade launcher.

If the Beast's Kevlar tires get damaged (they can't be punctured, so something stronger is needed), the limousine will go further on the rims, reaching speeds of up to 100 km / h. If the projectile hits the gas tank, it will not detonate - it is self-sealing.

V front bumper"The Beast" is a night vision camera and tear gas cannons. An automatic fire extinguishing system is also provided. An interesting detail: there are no keyholes in the doors of the Beast.

Angela Merkel's car is also armored on all sides. In addition, the Audi A8 Long is a mobile office with high-speed secure Internet, satellite phone, video and audio communication.

V Bentley State Limousine Elizabeth II installed a system typical for armored cars of this brand. In special situations doors can shoot using squibs to ensure emergency evacuation of passengers.

V Mercedes S600 Pullman, which Putin used to drive, also, according to the specification, self-sealing fuel tank, automatic fire extinguishing system, air cylinders. There were hidden loopholes, compartments for storing weapons. Puff windshield had a thickness of 10 cm and weighed 130 kg.

It is noteworthy that in the garage of the President of the Russian Federation there is another limousine - an armored ZIL

Length - more than ten meters! Passenger capacity - sixteen people! But this is not a bus, as you immediately want to think, but an SUV.

Although, no, it’s not even an SUV at all, but a limousine. Or, as they say in the Western manner, stretch - "stretched". Yes, yes, they are stretched, and forcibly: more than twice. With more? Even more! Not every turn such a contraption will overcome in one go.

So, you probably already have questions. Then we have the answers. How does the limousine passenger feel? How does the driver of a tax-like car feel? How do the owners of such cars feel? We just found out about it. And they couldn't hide it from you.

A bucket of black caviar, a golden toilet bowl, a suitcase of dollars. Dimensionless limousines "for growth" in this associative series will look extremely harmonious. "Honey, I'll send a limousine for you" - doesn't that sound great? The metaphor "dear" in this context takes on true meaning.

However, only a very few can boast of their own limousine. It's not even about the cost of such a machine, but about the expediency of owning it. And in general - a limousine limousine strife. Here we have already come close to the classification.

Classification

What can not be called a limousine! Extended sedan executive class- limousine. A car with a partition between the driver and passengers - again a limousine. Even an ordinary six-window sedan - also no, no, yes, and they will attribute it to limousines! In fact, according to the generally accepted classification, a limousine should be understood as a three-volume passenger body with four or six doors, having a partition behind the front row of seats. Well, it turns out that the Cadillac Escalade, which is depicted in our photographs in different poses, is not a limousine? Formally - no: the body here is two-volume! Nevertheless, any passer-by, noticing this elephant on the street, will not hesitate to comment - oh, "limousine"!

Then another concept comes into play - the aforementioned foreign word "stretch". Make any car "stretch" - and you will get the people's "limousine". Wrong, of course. But - publicly available and without unnecessary questions. I don't really want to be smart. Limousine means limousine.

The most expensive limousines are usually made from European cars top class by the manufacturers themselves. A typical example is the Mercedes-Benz S600 Pullman. These machines are not amazing. appearance, but they are quite capable of stunning the price tag. And in the armored version, the price simply kills to death: half a million dollars is not the limit at all. By the way, the heads of many states drive such cars - ours, for example.

Another kind of limousine is often used as a taxi or for corporate purposes; are built on the basis of not the most expensive cars and can have up to six doors. Having met such a car on the street, I want to rub my eyes - it is painfully strange, such an “extension cable” even looks unnatural! In St. Petersburg, cars of this kind are sometimes found: it can be a Volvo 900 series, a Mercedes-Benz in the back of a W124, or a battered Opel Omega.

Well, then ... Stretches, super stretches, ultra stretches, hyper stretches, ultra super stretches - the imagination of the creators of such machines is inexhaustible. Sometimes one gets the impression that a limousine is not built to perform any task, but solely as a means of self-expression. 10 seats, 20 seats, 30 seats, TVs, DVD players, bar, restaurant, swimming pool, heliport, golf course, aquarium with a life-size working aircraft carrier model... Even if you don't know what else you could wish for - it will be in the limousine. Of course, a five-axle stretch with a pool instead of a trunk is quite exotic, a demonstration of the company's capabilities, a kind of limo concept. But a four-wheel drive jeep ten meters long, capable of accommodating a football team along with a bench, is, as you can see, a reality. You can touch it with your hand! And if there is a desire or need, then for quite human money you can become a caliph for an hour - from $ 200. And even cheaper.

The classic, most limousine limousine, usually built on the basis of the Lincoln Town Car. The fundamental point here is the presence of a frame: to create a stretch from a machine with load-bearing body- the task is much more troublesome and expensive. And here everything is simple: the body of a production car is cut exactly in the middle, and between the front and rear doors a box with windows is welded in - the so-called insert. The length of the insert determines the class of the limousine: all these "super stretches" and "ultra stretches" in theory indicate the length of the car. "Town cars", as a rule, extend by 60-120 inches (1524-3048 mm), and SUVs can grow by 200 inches, and sometimes even more. It turns out more than five meters! Our Caddy is just that. Escalade itself is not a small car, it is also 100% elongated. We consider: 5,050 mm of own length plus 5,080 mm of acquired - in total, more than ten meters of luxury! But this is not the limit. The largest limousine in Russia based on the Ford Excursion lives in St. Petersburg - so it is even longer!

What happens to the frame? Alas, it is sad to take it into account: hello, junk. A new power structure is also adjusted to the new body - the extended frame will not be able to provide the necessary rigidity of the machine.

The production of limousines in the United States alone puzzled almost fifty firms. Of those that are heard - Tiffany Coachworks, Dream Coachworks, Krystal Enterprises and others. Together they do amazing things. Let's say in model range Dream has a six-axle Lincoln Navigator, and Krystal can portray such an amazing creature as a Hummer H2 with eight doors!

In principle, the standard filling that they have american cars, turns out to be quite enough for a stretch: the engine and transmission remain intact. And here is the suspension brake system can be strengthened - after all full mass cars become a little more impressive. Again, you have to modify the exhaust system, bringing it into line with the new body length, as well as installing a new cardan shaft with several intermediate supports. The limousine is considered completed when some other procedures are performed. Already guessed? That's right: an additional generator and battery appear in the list of electrical equipment, and the heating and air conditioning system becomes more productive - as required by the huge passenger compartment.

Interior space and decoration - that's what limousines are built for. Everything is for the good of man! And not just one - but for the whole company! The interior of the white Escalade is designed for 14 people, who have a mirrored bar with lighting at their disposal. In the bar - crystal decanters with wine glasses and buckets for champagne. There are also aquariums with playful plastic animals: the water bubbles and changes colors, the animals frolic and please the eye. The only thing missing is pineapple and hazel grouse.

Stars twinkle on the mirrored ceiling - then multi-colored LEDs romantically depict the sky. In the partitions located at the ends of the cabin, LCD TVs are mounted, and two more monitors are sheltered on the side racks. The signal to them comes either from a DVD player or from a VCR - these devices are located at floor level under the seats. Above the VIP seats, there is a control panel for everything, and next to the remote control is the head unit of a hi-fi audio system with two 12-inch subwoofers: it can burst so that any passer-by man crosses himself! You can arrange a disco, illuminating the intimate twilight with flashes of strobe lights and filling the interior space with artificial smoke and laser beams. And you can turn off all of the above at once, or ask the driver about it - there is a similar remote control in the cockpit.

In the same cabin, however, there is something else. For example, a walkie-talkie to communicate with the dispatcher. There are also other gadgets that are vital for the driver.

Driver

Is it difficult to drive a limousine? According to Sergey, Escalade driver, you can get used to everything. Of course, there are a lot of restrictions for a long-wheelbase car. So, let's say, you have to lay out a route in advance: the ultra-superstretch will not go into every turn the first time. Although in general it is possible to drive everywhere in the city, in some places it is not without problems. Surprisingly, the degree of turn is not at all the most significant characteristic of the street. Much more important is the width of the roadway! However, for a professional, there are practically no problems with maneuvering. Have you ever seen how masterful truckers on hefty wagons pass backwards - on the mirrors? In this sense, riding a limousine is even easier: you won’t add up with all your desire.

Do limousine drivers violate traffic rules? Only when it is caused by extreme business necessity. The most common violation is a turn into the oncoming lane or a turn in the wrong place. The traffic police inspectors, being fascinated by the grandeur of the stretch itself and the highest professionalism of its driver, treat some sins condescendingly. And in general - everyone respects a limousine. In an attempt to turn around in cramped road conditions (and for a car with a length of ten meters, almost any turn in the city is fraught with well-known complications), stretch can block the street and collect impressive size a crowd of cars, but few of the drivers will begin to convulsively hysteria with a horn to the clumsy giant. What if inside - the wedding sings and dances? Why do people spoil the festive mood? But speed mode respected always and everywhere. Even with a margin - the company itself forbids the driver to reach speeds of more than 40 km / h. Although everyone understands that a multi-hundred-strong machine is capable of much more.

By the way, the gross weight and passenger capacity of an extra-long limousine impose special requirements on drivers, the main of which is the presence of an open bus category "D". However, random people do not drive limousines: in most cases they are super professionals. Like Sergei, he has all categories open. Exceptions are rare. Here are a couple of examples from the life of the personnel of the World of Limousines company. The first frame is an Afro-Russian, who, however, did not take root in the company: his poor knowledge of the city let him down. The second frame (or "kadrsha"?) is a female driver. However, she also had to leave. Only now there is no need for male chauvinism here! The girl handled the limousine very successfully. Until family circumstances forced me to change jobs to a quieter one. What? History is silent.

Almost forgot to tell about lotions. There are not so many of them. The most interesting is the toggle switch, which awakens the piercing fanfare of solemn sounding. Sergey turns them on when moving in reverse. In the mirror, you can see, of course, a lot, but not all. In addition, it is important that not only you see, but also you are seen - also. Paying attention to yourself is the best way to avoid problems.

Problems

Actually, there are no special problems with the functioning of a limousine in the city. But there is interesting features. Take, for example, maintenance and repair. At the "World of Limousines" for technical condition supervised by a specially trained person. He does some repairs. However, he is, of course, not omnipotent: after all, modern car requires corporate service. Do you fancy a limousine on a lift? No. Because there are no such lifts, on which all ten meters of a jeep could be piled up. But the stretch can drop into the pit, which usually happens. In general, there is a problem, but it can be solved. It just takes ingenuity.

Did you know that a limousine is actually a bus? At least, this is evidenced by customs documents: these cars come to the country under the guise of bonneted buses. So here it is.

The most popular limousines are on days rich in celebrations. In St. Petersburg, this is usually the season of white nights - gentlemen, book cars in advance! The second burst of customer activity occurs around New Year's Eve. By the way, 80% of limousine customers are newlyweds of various ages and destinies. The remaining percentages fall on graduations and anniversaries of anniversaries, as well as all those cases that fall under the definition of "other": all kinds of excursions, movements of dear guests and just the fulfillment of someone's innermost dreams - to drive a luxury car.

We thank the World of Limousines company for their help in preparing the material.

Text: Kirill Brevdo

And even rode it a little. He generally liked the car, but it is impossible to talk about full-fledged testing, because the car is not ready yet. This, clarifying the information of journalists and officials, said the press secretary of the head of state Dmitry Peskov, Interfax reports.

“This information (about testing - MIR 24) is slightly exaggerated. The thing is, the car isn't ready yet. Indeed, there are some sketches, let’s say, the president saw the prototype, he liked it,” he explained.

Earlier, Minister of Industry and Trade Denis Manturov said that Putin had a ride on "prototype A", which will be at the disposal of the Federal Security Service until the end. "Prototype B" did not have time to show him.

“The first understanding - it really looks interesting. He didn't drive the prototype - he got under way on it and actually drove a little bit. But I did not go, because it is still a prototype. The president cannot ride it yet, ”Peskov corrected him.

The Cortege project was launched in 2012. Within the framework of the program, executive class cars are created - a limousine, a sedan, an SUV and a minivan. The highest officials of the state should move on them. Later, cars will go on sale for ordinary, albeit wealthy citizens. It is assumed that up to 300 cars will be produced at the site of the Central Research Automobile and Automotive Institute "NAMI" per year.

In countries with a developed automotive industry, the first persons, as a rule, move on products domestic auto industry. So it was in the USSR - with the exception of Vladimir Lenin, all the leaders of the state drove limousines manufactured by ZiL (formerly ZiS). The first president of Russia, Boris Yeltsin, used such a car, until in 1997 he moved to Mercedes.

Photo: Yorick Jansens, Zuma\TASS

In the United States, Donald Trump travels in an armored Cadillac One limousine, nicknamed The Beast. It is believed that this is the most protected car in the world. It is built on a tank frame, weighs up to 9 tons and can, for example, spray tear gas. General Motors is currently testing an updated version of the presidential limousine. It was supposed to be shown at the inauguration on January 20, 2017, but the premiere was delayed. Note that the heads of the White House did not always use Cadillac, but it was its products that the last four presidents preferred. But George Bush Sr. moved to the Lincoln Town Car.

Chinese President Xi Jinping uses a FAW Hong Qi HQE (Red Banner) limousine. The car is 6.4 meters long and is styled after the first Hong Qi of the 1950s. The model is also popular with other Chinese officials.

Queen Elizabeth II of Great Britain moves to the Bentley State Limousine, formally part of German concern Volkswagen Group, or on one of the Rolls-Royce variants - for example, the one-off Phantom VI with a convertible roof. But British prime ministers traditionally use Jaguar cars. So, Theresa May prefers the Jaguar XJ. Her predecessor David Cameron used the Jaxuar XJ Sentinel.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel chose the Audi A8 L Security W12 in a special Kanzler variant with numerous additional options. However, there is also a Mercedes-Benz S600L of the Sonderklasse class in her garage.

In France, there is no tradition of using representative cars for the head of state, but the car must be French. The current President Emmanuel Macron chose the flagship model of the premium French brand - the DS 7 Crossback crossover, but his predecessor Francois Hollande appeared in public on a mid-size, almost serial DS 5 hatchback.

In Japan, the imperial family and prime ministers have been using hand-built Toyota Century sedans for many years. Wherein Toyota sedan The Century Royal looks more impressive to Akihito than Shinzo Abe's car. It is worth noting that some top officials and even the richest members of the Japanese Yakuza mafia also prefer the prime minister's version.

Independently provides cars to the first persons of the state and South Korea. The main car for the president of the country is the Hyundai Equus VL500, which is much larger than the automaker's main fleet.

In Italy, senior officials choose a Lancia car (current president Sergio Mattarella - Lancia Flaminia 335), in the Czech Republic - Skoda. But in Sweden, King Carl XVI Gustaf for official ceremonies does not use the local Volvo, but the rare Daimler DS420 of the 1968 model, which was preferred by many monarchs of Europe. However, on ordinary trips, he still goes to the Volvo S80.

In general, world leaders most often use the products of the German and British car industry of special series or made to order.

The most original, perhaps, is the Prime Minister of the Netherlands Mark Rutte. His choice is a personal bicycle. Moreover, he rides it not only to work, but also to other cities when he arrives there on an official visit.

Once upon a time, one of the most favorite topics of jokes was the six hundredth Mercedes and Zaporozhets. Times are changing, and now a limousine takes the place of a Mercedes. It is with a trip in a limousine that a beautiful life is associated, or, as it is fashionable to say, "coolness".

To cheer you up, we have made a small selection of anecdotes, cartoons and just funny cases with limousines.
Read, watch and laugh!

Happiness, of course, does not depend on the amount of money, but it is better to cry in a limousine than on a bus.

Reasoning about the fate of the Fatherland on the leather seats of limousines sounds more heartfelt and sincere than in the queues at the labor exchange.

How to arrange a cat train for a wedding?
Tie a bunch of valerian to a limousine and all the cats in the city will run after your car. A limousine crashes into the back of a Maybach with tinted windows at an intersection. The oligarch jumps out of the limousine, and the FSB general slowly, with an important gait, comes out of the Maybach and says:
- Well, you got it, man ... Okay, get ready, let's go to Siberia. Let's see our oil fields. At the same time, you will pick up a colony for yourself ...

We are driving with a colleague around the city, a limousine flies by. I aloud:
- Oh, how good it is to transport 6-meter boards on it!

A limousine is a humiliated bus...

Announcement in the section "Work":
Looking for a job with my own limousine (hearse). I bury, dissect, I guarantee silence and purity. I work at night. I don't give places. - Jora, yesterday I saw that at the house where your mother-in-law lives, there was a black hearse limousine. What, can I congratulate you?
- Oh, what are you talking about! There are three hundred apartments in this house, it's such a lottery. The Zaporozhye Automobile Plant mastered the production of a new limousine model. The model is called "Zopolim". - And yet the best limousines are made in Russia!
- Only for some reason on caterpillar tracks and with a cannon... - They say that after joining the WTO, prestigious limousines and cars should become cheaper.
- Now it is clear for whom they tried so hard to enter there.

A limousine stops in front of a traffic light, suddenly a powerful blow from behind. The limousine driver comes out, looks, a Mercedes crashed into him. The first carrier says to the second:
- Where did you come from, Zaporozhets was following me!
And the second answer:
- Shh, he's between us! The groom before the wedding comes into the confectionery and says:
- I have a wedding today! There, on the street, there is a limousine - it is necessary to decorate it: the hood with whipped cream, the roof with cream roses, and the trunk with candied fruit!
- And if the traffic police stops you?
- Nonsense! I’ll give you a lick once ... The Negro ordered a black limousine for the wedding and tells the bride on the phone:
- Honey, I booked a limousine for our wedding.
- What color?
- As you and asked, bodily. - What do cool people do for Easter?
- Paint limousines in different colors and bump! - I’ll come fishing on a broken-down UAZ, the bite is excellent, there is silence around. As in a limousine with a driver, women appear from somewhere, start swimming naked nearby.
- They also go fishing... - I have three cherished desires!
- What kind?
- A rich groom, a cottage and a limousine for the wedding.
- And it's all?
- No! ... Wife to her husband:
- Dear, what will you give me for my birthday?
- Remember our wedding limousine?
- Yes!
- That's exactly the same color tights! The new Russian has a baby. He arrives at the maternity hospital, as it should be in a limousine, gets out of the car, behind two bodyguards drag armfuls of roses. A wife comes out of the maternity hospital, all in furs, behind her is an old nanny with a child. The old woman approaches the new Russian:
- Congratulations! You have a son! 3500!
- No problem, mother! - pulls out his wallet and starts counting bucks. The banker gave a diamond necklace to his wife for her anniversary. Disappointed wife:
- Dear, you knew that I wanted a limousine with a driver!
- I know. Except I never found a shop that sells fake limousines. Of all the cars, Stirlitz preferred the Mercedes limousine, thereby showing true German patriotism, which is so useful for conspiracy.
At the same time, Stirlitz was very happy that he was not a German spy in Russia, otherwise he would have to ride on the Zaporozhets.

Russian automakers have released a luxury limousine under the new Aurus brand. Western experts immediately started talking about its shortcomings.

Secrets of Putin's superlimousine "Cortege"

According to Die Welt, such cars have not been produced in Russia for three decades. The latest "Aurus" is designed to compete with Western brands. The publication recalls that at the end of August, the Aurus Senat model was presented at the Moscow Motor Show.

According to the journalists of the newspaper, in this way Russia intends to enter the elite circle of the premium class and compete with the British brands Rolls-Royce and Bentley, as well as the German Maybach-Daimler (Maybach-Daimler). Daimler).

It is noted that German engineers worked on the brand, and it was created with the money of Arab oil sheikhs. In addition, the image of President Putin, who personally uses this car, works for him, for example, he came to his inauguration in it.

At one time in the USSR, an armored version of the ZIL-41052 was in use, on which the first and last president were transported Soviet Union Mikhail Gorbachev. In turn, Boris Yeltsin, when he was president of Russia, drove a Mercedes S 500. Later, Vladimir Putin used Mercedes-Benz limousines of the S 600 Guard Pullman model (S 600 Guard Pullman), but noted the need to return to products of the Russian car industry.

In this regard, a special program called "Cortege" was created with the aim of developing a representative limousine, SUV and minibus. it was developed by a consortium of the Central Research Automobile and Automotive Institute and the private enterprise Sollers, which previously collaborated with Fiat, Ford and Mazda in the production of cars.

The publication emphasizes that 12.4 billion rubles (164 million euros) were invested in the executive limousine project. A relatively modest amount for such an ambitious project. As a result, the Aurus brand was named after the Kremlin towers. The limousine was named "Senate", the SUV - "Commandant", the minibus - "Arsenal". A convertible version of the Aurus Senate is also expected.

A quite competitive price will be set for these cars, said Russian Minister of Industry Denis Manturov. According to him, the limousine will cost several more expensive than a car Mercedes C-class, but 20% cheaper than Rolls-Royce.

By the way, the limousine and SUVs "Cortege", according to media reports, "were asked the price of people close to the so-called" looking across Russia ".

"They say that the fierce boys were denied. That's right. It's not good for a thief to ride a "presidential" limousine with guard bulls in "Kremlin" jeeps," they write in Runet.

German press experts were skeptical about the information that car parts are mainly manufactured at domestic factories: wheels - in Krasnoyarsk, shock absorbers - in Bashkiria, leather upholstery - in Ryazan, gas tanks - in Nizhny Novgorod. They noted that the issue of place of production anti-lock systems and electronic stability control systems, as well as air conditioning, remains open and voices the conclusion that the most important specifications indicate a certain resemblance to one of the BMW engines.

Indeed, the Aurus project is led by the German manager Franz Gerhard Hilgert, the former head of the Daimler representative office in Russia. However, sales of Aurus vehicles should start next year. The main funds for it were provided by the Arab oil sheiks - this summer a corresponding statement of intent was signed with the Defense, Security and Development Fund of the United Arab Emirates. According to the agreement, the fund will invest 110 million euros in the development of the Aurus brand and in turn receive a 30% stake in the manufacturing company.

It is planned that the first export copies will go to Europe. So the brand "Aurus" will soon begin its march to the West, summed up the journalists of Die Welt.